From Rags to Riches: The True Story of Sir Scrump, First Knight of the Derpsguard

This, Kara, is a true, unfiltered story about my cat.

  
Once upon a time (for that is how all good stories should begin), Scrump was born to the cold, hard streets of Tempe. A born leader and naturally scrappy, Scrump set about living the life of a thug-cat. Life was hard, but Scrump was healthy, handsome and good with the ladies, so he knew to count his blessings.

 

I didnt choose the thug life, it choose me.

 
Until one fateful day that would change his life forever.

While walking down an alleyway, Scrump saw two foxy (albeit sickly) ladies hanging out in a cozy cage. He thought, “Baby, damn. Could life get any easier?” and sauntered in. Little did he know that the evil witch of Tempe, Alison with One El, had captured him and the foxy ladies to bring them to her castle (to probably devour them whole)!

Certain he would spend his days locked in a dungeon, only to be fattened up and eaten by the evil witch, Scrump tried with all of his might to free himself from the cage. But that was not what fate designed.

Scrump entered the castle with Idgie and Ruth (the two foxy ladies from before. Scrump is a damn gentleman and wouldn’t be so crass as to call them foxy ladies after getting to know them for their wonderful personalities and charm) only to find out that they weren’t destined for the dungeon after all! For Alison with One El was not an evil witch, but an angel sent from heaven to save all the kitties in the land of Tempe and take away their man/lady parts.

  
Living in the life of luxury, but separated from his lady loves for Propriety’s sake, Scrump decided that he would never go back to the cold, hard streets of Tempe. But that he would have to mess with Propriety.

 

Stupid Propriety

 
A few days into his master plans, he met two humans named Steffi and Andrew. Andrew and Scrump took one look at each other and fell deeply into brolove. Scrump knew that he would be forever happy if he got to hang out with his new ultimatebro all the time. But after an hour of some serious loving, Andrew and Steffi left him with the angel, Alison with One El. Scrump was devastated, and threw himself into his master plan.

  
For, you see, Scrump missed his lady loves and knew he needed to break them free from Propriety. Late at night, he set his plan into motion and free Idgie from Propriety’s evil clutches (Ruthie was cool staying in Propriety because it had a heating blanket and she was comfy. Scrump knows how to respect a lady by not forcing his wishes on her. #feministkitty). His plan worked! Him and Idgie were free!

Together they played until the angel, Alison with One El, came and busted up their good times. A few hours later, Ultimatebro Andrew appeared! Scrump said, “Bro! I never thought I’d see you again.” Andrew didn’t respond because humans can’t speak cat, but Scrump knew he was going home (after a swift visit to the vet).

 

I’ll only have my man parts for three more months!

 
Scrump now resides in a small kingdom within the land of Scottsdale called Derpington. He is respectful to Lord Derperoni-and-Cheese, friendly with Harveyseed, the Duke of Derpington (who came from his hood but hasn’t told him that yet), and was recently knighted as the First Knight of the Derpsguard. He has been ordered to protect his Human Mommy, Steffi, from any and all bugs and to spend days making muffins on his Ultimatebro’s belly. He will live a happy and healthy life, full of love and adoration, until the end of his days.

The End.

Teeny McBeanie

Only Cephalopods

Hi Steffi, I’m doing an Etsy post today but it contains only cephalopods. I have a recent obsession with them.

Messenger Bag – NorrisLeatherworks
Octopus messenger bag

Pendant – FlyingCephalopod
Custom Made Cephalopod Octopus Pendant with Steampunk Embellishment

Tie – ScatterbrainTies

Mug – artbydebbielindsay
Cephalopod Mug with Nautilus, Octopus and Squid | Steampunk | Naturalist | Science | Marine | Ink Sketch

Art – WunderWalls
Octopus Art Print of Cephalopod on Antique Paper 16" x 20" Canvas-Wrapped Frame

Crochet – ea1701
Crochet Pattern: the Sad Cephalopod - Make your own cute amigurumi squid

Necklace – CABfayre
An Octopus Love Affair Necklace - Large 6" - Laser Cut Acrylic (C.A.B. Fayre Original Design)

Shirt – Shiloh Threads

Etched Glass Box – BeachwalkerBoxes

Otto – BrianKesinger
This last one is by a favorite Disney artist of mine. He does steampunk art and even does some tea paintings. His original characters are Victoria and Otto, her pet octopus.
Crafting with Otto - various sizes

Steffi’s July Etsy Favs

Hello Keddah,

Today, Imma talk about some of my favorite Etsy things. Although, I’m not really gonna talk about things so much as I’m going to talk about shops.

First! The Irish Jeweler

claddagh

Pretty claddagh. Pretty, pretty claddagh.

Andrew and I are going to buy our wedding rings from here 😄

Second! My Newest Addiction

MNA

This shop has ridiculously gorgeous weekend banners for your planner, as well as some more practical items and custom covers. I can’t wait to place an order (but I’m trying to be frugal).

Third! Modern Mouse Boutique

baymax

liloandstitch

This is all I have to say.

Fourth! Vintage Gypsy Road

vgr

She has a build your own bouquet sticker sheet. Stop. Just. No.

Fifth! Inspired Blush

She has some of my favorite Plan With Me videos. She uses a lot of her own stickers (which are wonderful, I’ve purchased some and they’re just really great quality) as well as stamps, which I think is really cool.

I’m going to post a picture of my planner this week on our Instagram, so don’t forget to follow us so that you don’t miss it!

To the furthest star and back,

8 Year Anniversary

Hi Steffi, do you know what today is?

It’s been 8 years since Deathly Hallows was released.

I always feel a sense of great weight on July 21st. It’s usually very sad. It was fun waiting in line and playing games with my best friend. It was exciting first reading the book I had waited years for. It was on the back of my mind that the end was near as I read it, but I had the story to keep me going. I remember all the good things about that entire experience. But now I am sad because it was the end and it’s already happened. Eight years ago.

A huge part of my life had ended a few days later when I finished reading. But I didn’t know then the amazing experience I would have taking a Harry Potter class in college and meeting you. I didn’t know then I would actually be going to Hogwarts and Hogsmeade and witnessing magic with my boyfriend-turned-husband. I didn’t know then that I would travel thousands of miles to watch the final book on screen with thousands of other wizards and share a week full of memories with at LeakyCon.

It’s never really ended. And Hogwarts will always be my home and I can go whenever I want because Jo told me I could. And continues to tell me. On twitter.

Thanks Jo, for everything.

BRB I’m going to go read Harry Potter for the 374857th time.

Kara’s Disney Questionnaire

Happy 60th Birthday Disneyland!

In honor of Disneyland’s 60th birthday, Steffi and I created a questionnaire about our favorite Disney Animated features. The rules are: No repeats, no live action and gifs must be included! We hope you enjoy and thanks again, Disneyland, for being our home. 60 is going to be a good year.

On to the questionnaire!

Walt Era Favorite (1937-1970): The Jungle Book
I grew up watching this movie so many times with my brother. I watched this instead of Cinderella, Pinocchio, and Peter Pan; none of which I had seen up until 5 years ago. It’s no surprise then that me and Steffi bonded so hard over Wanna Be Like You on so many car rides.
Baloo
Honorable mention: Mary Poppins (there’s animation in it :P)

Lost Years Favorite (1971-1988): Brave Little Toaster
Oh gosh it’s so close between Brave Little Toaster and The Rescuers; though Escape to Witch Mountain was certainly a gem, but that’s live action. I really don’t know which I watched more as a child. I’ll go with Brave Little Toaster. I loved the characters, except the air conditioner, and the premise was so imaginative.
Blanket

Disney Revival Favorite: (1989-2000): Aladdin
This one changes a lot but, Aladdin. The Genie and the score just make it.
Aladdin idea
Obvious honorable mentions are obvious.

Present Disney Favorite: (2001-now): Wreck-It-Ralph
This is currently the last Disney movie to give me Disney feels. It was absolutely robbed of its Oscar that year.
homeless lady
Honorable mentions to Finding Nemo, Up, and Meet the Robinsons.

Favorite Animation: 3D digital
Specifically Wall-E. Just gorgeous.
Walle stars
Walle extinguisher

Favorite Score: Tarzan
Hands down, Tarzan. SON OF MAN. Trash the Camp. Phil Collins.
Tarzan Nigel
Oops how did that get in there.
tarzan baby bounce
Honorable mention to Tangled. Kingdom dance gives me hope. I even made up a flag routine for it. Don’t judge me.

Favorite “Make ya’ laugh”: The Emperor’s New Groove
I watched this almost every day in the summer during middle school. I know the entire film by heart and yes, I will quote the entire thing while watching it. The comedic timing, I can’t deal.
kronk
There in no honorable mention.

Favorite “Make ya’ cry”: The Fox and the Hound
I avoided a lot of sad movies when I was younger. I didn’t even enjoy watching The Lion King. For some reason, I was okay with The Fox and the Hound. Maybe because of Big Mama. Or Dinky & Boomer. Or Squeaks.
happy fox & hound
dinky and boomer
Honorable mention to Toy Story 3.

Favorite Love Story: Wall-E & Eve
I have a hard time with taking this one too seriously. But no one can deny these two are the cutest.
Walle & Eve

Favorite Friendship: Marlin & Dory
I would seriously put Ralph & Vanellope here but I already used Wreck-It-Ralph. Top shelf!
top shelf no text
But Marlin & Dory because there’s hilarious frustration, stupid sillyness, adventure, and love.
dory dance
Major honorable mention to Baloo & Bagheera because that is Steffi & I. We almost named our blog after them. Almost.
baloo & bagheera

Favorite Siblings: Lilo & Nani
They. Are. Perfect.
pillow scream

Favorite Pixar: Toy Story
Definitely a childhood fave and classic, there is truly no way I could put anything else in the top spot.
woody hilarious

Honorable mentions to Up, Finding Nemo and A Bug’s Life.

Favorite Pixar Short: Geri’s Game
It’s hard to go with any other when Geri’s game exists.
geris game2
Honorable mention to Partly Cloudy and For the Birds.

Favorite Disney Short: Feast
This one made Grayson tear up. Instant fave.
feast

Most Quoteable: Hercules
There was a time when this was playing on repeat for 2 months in Steffi & I’s apartment. Needless to say we quote it all the time.
hades eh

Disney Tattoo Ideas: Baby Simba
Me and Steffi had this great idea years ago and I still haven’t let it go.
Rafiki's_Drawing_of_Simba

Steffi’s Disney Questionnaire

Happy 60th Birthday Disneyland!

In honor of Disneyland’s 60th birthday, Kara and I created a questionnaire about our favorite Disney Animated features. The rules are: No repeats, no live action and gifs must be included! We hope you enjoy and thanks again, Disneyland, for being our home. 60 is going to be a good year.

On to the questionnaire!

Walt Era Favorite (1937-1970): Cinderella

lucifer4

Cinderella, for so many reasons. Lucifer, the fact that Cinderella single-handedly saved the Disney corp and allowed for them to begin building Disneyland, and more. The animation is stunning. The music is iconic. And Lucifer.

Honorable Mention to Alice in Wonderland, The Jungle Book and The Aristocats. I feel like I’m ripping my soul out to not include you all.

Lost Years Favorite (1971-1988): The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.

poobear

Pooh Bear is my body positive goddess. Also, I love the stories; I love the history; I love its childlike atmosphere. It’s just a story that makes you happy.

Honorable Mention to Oliver and Company

Disney Revival Favorite: (1989-2000): Goofy Movie

200 (2)

I’m having the hardest time with this section. I fully believe Hunchback deserves this spot but there is no other film that belongs in the favorite score section. Disney Revival films happen to fall in my least watched movies, and it’s not because they’re not amazing, it’s just because they’re so much. They have so much of everything going on.

Fuck it. I’m going Goofy Movie. This movie is the goddamn shit.

Honorable Mentions obviously to Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Little Mermaid, Lion King, Tarzan, and Mulan. You all deserve this spot but none of you have Powerline.

Present Disney Favorite: (2001-2010): Tangled

tangled

I’m struggling a lot with my runner up, but Tangled. This is the most expertly crafted Disney film that I’ve seen come out of the Disney company in a long time. The characters are so fully and wonderfully developed, the score is delightful (a million stars to Kingdom Dance), and the lantern scene. Every single time I watch the lantern scene I cry because I fully believe with all of my heart that Walt would have been blown away by that scene; that everything Disney Animation has crafted was a build up to make that breathtaking scene. Watching it makes me proud to be a Disney fan. Animation at its absolute finest; it is untouchable.

Honorable mention to The Princess and the Frog (which was my runner up), Lilo and Stitch, Wreck it Ralph and Big Hero 6.

Favorite Animation: Cel Animation (Like Aristocats and 101 Dalmatians)

tolouse

I love being able to see the sketch marks within the drawings. I love the scenery and how the animated characters flow within it. I think it’s so detailed and yet… raw at the same time. I think there’s so much passion in it.

Honorable mention to 2d computer animation and 2d hand drawn.

Favorite Score: Hunchback of Notre Dame

hunchback

There are no words for this incredible soundtrack. This movie, score, story is Disney Renaissance at its finest. And this movie is so overlooked. Which is horrific. Go watch it, go listen to it, find perfection.

THERE IS NO HONORABLE MENTION.

Favorite “Make ya’ laugh”: Lilo and Stitch

lilo

How did this get here?

I’m having a hard time with this one too. There are so many Disney movies that I go to for the lulz. But Lilo and Stitch is one of my favorite Disney movies for more reason than it being hilarious. It reminds me of my childhood spent in Hawaii, it’s quirky and weird, and Lilo is character perfection. I CAN’T FEED PUDGE TUNA. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TUNA IS??? ITS FISH.

Honorable mention to Emperors New Groove, Brother Bear, Aladdin, Hercules and Monsters U.

Favorite “Make ya’ cry”: Meet the Robinsons

meet the robinsons

I’m choosing Meet the Robinsons because Up and Tangled are already being used in different categories and I will not speak of The Fox and the Hound in any favorites ever.

Meet the Robinsons is a delightful movie and is the first movie that gave me a spark of hope for Disney Animation after Brother Bear. I really thought that Pixar was going to take over and Meet the Robinsons was such a breath of fresh air. It was similar to Pixar films in the animation style, of course, but it had deep Disney roots and the last couple of scenes never fail to make me weep. Seeing Walt’s famous Keep Moving Forward quote at the end does me in.

Honorable mentions already mentioned.

Favorite Love Story: Ellie and Carl, Up

up

How could I not choose Carl and Ellie? Carl and Ellie’s love story is the one Andrew and I relate to most. When we first started dating, I called Andrew Mr. Fredricksen. I hope with all my heart that we have a love story like theirs.

No honorable mentions; there is no competition.

Favorite Friendship: Baloo and Bagheera, Jungle Book

jungle book

Looks about right.

Again, this one is my favorite for personal reasons. Kara and I found our friendship in Baloo and Bagheera. She follows the rules, I like to sleep.

This one gets honorable mentions though: Pascal and Rapunzel, Tangled. Pain and Panic, Hercules. Timon and Pumba, Lion King. Archimedes and Merlin, Sword in the Stone.

Favorite Siblings: Rutt and Tuke, Brother Bear

brotherbear

Sass Masters

brotherbear2

They’re Canadian Meese. There isn’t anything else I can say.

Not even an ounce of competition.

Favorite Pixar: Ratatouille

ratatouille2

ratatouille3

ratatouille

I couldn’t decide so ALL THE GIFS.

Favorite Pixar score, favorite Pixar setting, favorite Pixar story line, AND IT’S ABOUT FOOD. The score… it’s just. Just. The whole movie has such a traditional Disney vibe. It feels passionate and wonderful.

Honorable mentions to Brave and Up.

Favorite Pixar Short: Presto

presto

Magic and vindictive bunnies. Forget the old man playing chess, this is the greatest Pixar short of all time. It is also the most hilarious.

Favorite Disney Short: Paper Man

paperman

Paperman was innovative, funny, sweet, beautiful and every other positive attribute there is. The animation style was just insane. It was glowy and passionate and there wasn’t even any dialog! Just incredible.

Most Quotable: Hercules

herc

I OWN YOU!

Easy. Hercules. Kara and I have spent hours quoting this film back and forth to each other.

Honorable mention to Lilo and Stitch.

Disney Tattoo Ideas: Paperman or Princess and the Frog

I really want to get the paper airplane from Paperman, but if I go to New Orleans, I’m getting a voodoo doll.

patf

THE CHUBBY ONE I MEAN COME ON.

paperman

The Diva Cup

Hello Keddah!

For our sensitive readers (also known as fuckboys), I will be discussing feminine hygiene products in this blog post . If you don’t have parts that care about feminine hygiene products, feel free to discontinue reading this post.

First, lets talk about my current loathing for Tampax brand tampons. Two cycles ago, I realized I was out of my tampons too late in the day for me to go without an emergency trip to Walgreens. I head over there, grab the box that says “sale,” make it home and realize that the box smells (I had no fucking clue that scented tampons were even a thing). There was nothing I could do, I had to use these flowery blood mops. (Mind you, this was in the middle of Maryann being in the hospital and my move. Not a cute time for me.) I figured that they HAD to be tested, so a few nights would be fine.  NOPE. NO. NOT OKAY. NOT COOL. 1) WHO WANTS THEIR VAGINA TO SMELL LIKE BLOOD AND FLOWERS??! 2) CLEARLY, SATAN MADE THESE AND WHY DOES ANYONE SELL THEM? I spent WEEKS recovering from them. I had the worst allergic reaction in the worst place to have an allergic reaction. And if you’re thinking that I didn’t take those bastards back to Walgreens and demand money back, then you’re crazy.

Now, let’s discuss what lead me to learn that there’s an option beyond tampons/pads. A couple of months ago, Alison and I discovered Trash is for Tossers, which is a blog written by a girl in New York City who lives a waste free lifestyle. Because you know me so well, Kara, you’re going to know that my first thought when learning about a waste free lifestyle was how in the damn hell does she wipe her ass. Since that was my first area of concern, my next logical concern was for her monthly gift from the demon god of torture, dark chocolate, and why me. This question was answered pretty easily! The Diva Cup (or any menstrual cup – that’s just the one she uses and the one I found at Sprouts).

Let me tell you what I know about the Diva Cup. It cost me $39.95 plus tax at my local Sprouts. It will last me anywhere between 1-10 years. It’s made of medical grade silicone so I never have to worry about my vagina getting messed up from tampons (which carry some nasty chemicals into your vagina, even the unscented kinds). On average, I spend $13 every two months on tampons. In five years, this will be a savings of $350.00. That’s a lot of damn money!

My last cycle was my first time using the Diva Cup and I cannot believe how surprisingly easy it was to use. I have a light flow, so I changed it four times a day. I could have easily done less (it can be inserted for no more than 12 hours at a time without being cleaned/rinsed). It didn’t irritate me, it wasn’t difficult to insert (in fact, it was kinda stupid easy to insert), and I feel like I’m giving both my wallet and the environment a little kiss of love.

If anyone is on the fence about purchasing a menstrual cup, please give it a shot! It’s a wonderful thing.

Edit: I wrote this blog post over a month ago and I can now say with certainty that the Diva Cup is life changing. GITIT. 

To the furthest star and back,