National Eating Disorders Awareness Week and Self Love Progress

Hello Keddah,

It’s National Eating Disorders Awareness Week! So I thought I would talk about my self-love progress/kicking my eating disorder in the ass, punching it square in the face, stomping it into the ground, drop-kicking it to Mars.

Learning to workout for me:

Let me tell the internet an embarrassing story (because I’ve already told it to Kara – that’s what besties do). In early January, something strange happened to me. When getting up into my bed (which is tall, alright, so there’s already a struggle level that’s higher than most beds), My. Wrist. Gave. Out. And although I act like I’m in my 80’s – I AM NOT IN FACT THERE YET. So when this happened the second time, I IMMEDIATELY VOWED to sign up for a gym and go. And I have!

Since the last week in January, I’ve gone to the gym at least 3 times a week (no more than 4). I’ve been enjoying it a lot! I don’t do a lot of cardio – because that shit sucks – but I’ve been doing kind of a mixture of everything and I’m enjoying myself. My goals are: being able to kick someones ass, a bigger butt (because we all have some narcissistic goals in life), and more flexibility. And when Andrew and I go on our month-long honeymoon in 2016 – I NEVER want my body to get in the way of me doing something awesome.

Additionally, I do not weigh myself. Because it doesn’t matter. Because it’s a huge trigger for negative behaviors. Because I still think a number on a scale has something to do with worth. And I’m not gonna ruin my good time.

Negative relationships with food:

I started asking myself when I eat: Are you enjoying your food? I haven’t gotten to the point where this stops me from binge eating – but at least I recognize it during and not after and I think that is a great starting point! I hope that soon I will be able to stop when I notice this behavior or even notice it before it starts and channel it into something healthier.

I would like to start removing certain things from my diet – mostly premade sweets like nutella/ice cream/cookies that you buy from the store. Instead – if I want something sweet – I need to make it myself. I’m thinking that once my current sweet stash is done that I will start making my own goodies.

I would also like to add more protein to my diet. Andrew just started making us the most delicious noodle soup with sprouted tofu, veggie broth, spinach, carrots, and green onions – and I could literally eat this every night for the rest of my life – so I don’t think it will be difficult!

Feeling myself:

Don’t get gross – HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER, KARA – I just mean that when I’m feeling cute, I celebrate it. And everyone should. If that means taking a killer selfie, sending your man/lady a sexy picture, or walking around in the buff – you do you!

I’m disappointed to report that No-Pants Weekends cannot happen in the cold due to the possibility of hypothermia. I really don’t know of any cold weather underwear sports – but if you have any suggestions that don’t have anything to do with hankypanky – suggest away!

Negative people/Getting out of my head:

This comes in two parts. 1) Removing negative people from my life causes me less stress, and less stress means less binge eating/negative thoughts. 2) Stop caring about people who don’t matter. That guy/girl over there – he’s not thinking about me in my dress with no sleeves on. And if he is and it’s negative, what do I care? And if it is and it’s positive – you’re really cute, imaginary guy/girl, but I’m taken. Just stop. Getting out of my head isn’t just important to my mental health, but I enjoy everything more when I just live.

Asking for help:

I was really nervous for my appointment picking out dresses for the wedding. I’ve seen Say Yes to the Dress enough times to know that it’s not always a wonderful experience, especially for plus size women/women with body dysmorphia/self-hate. So I asked Kara to be on “make sure my best friend doesn’t have any negative thoughts about her body duty” (literally – those were my exact words), and I’m proud of myself for asking.

And the best part is, she wasn’t even needed in that capacity, because not only was the dress beautiful, but I felt beautiful with or without the dress. And I’m so proud of myself.

To a beautiful, healthy, wonderful 26th year of life!


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A Serious Post: My Experience with Eating and Body Dysmorphic Disorders

Hi Keddah,

So, I feel a bit weird. I want to talk about something important (to me) and serious, but I’ve never really spoken about this in any sort of coherent or public way. And we’ve never been serious on the blog before. But I feel compelled to talk about this and I don’t think I’ll be satisfied with anything I put up here until I do.

I guess I’ll just jump into it. Also, trigger warning? Cuz that’s a thing on the internet.

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