Be A Man

Hello Beans! 

Our dear friend Nick came to visit us today. For those who don’t know, he’s trans and wanted me to show him a few makeup tricks to make him look more masculine. 

I used a little guidance from the internet. I typed in Masculine Makeup and this wikihow page popped up. 

Collectively, we weren’t smart enough to do a before picture so here’s a beforeish picture.

products used: sheer foundation to cover any redness, translucent poweder to set, ash grey/brown powder to contour, black mascara for the brows. Three brushes were used, an all over powder brush, countour brush and a lip brush (use what you got) – and the brushes could have easily been cut down to one.

I darkened the hollows of his cheeks and jawline, as well as shaded his forehead to give the appearance of a more prominent brow. I also shaded underneath the front of the eyebrow to give that same illusion – even though it’s hidden under his glasses. Lastly, we ruffled up his eyebrows with some black mascara. This whole process, with the gabbing I was doing (which was significant) took maybe 20 minutes. 

It’s very easy to do, uses very few products, and can really aid in someone feeling ever so slightly more confident. 

(Hi Kara. I have stolen Steffi’s phone and am using my one moment of power to taint your precious blog. My legacy is complete.-Nick)

Four Parts

Hi Keddah,

This post comes to you in four parts.

First, I thought I looked cute today so I took a selfie. I looked like this:  

Second, I’ve been editing my wedding pictures and, although I’m not done, you can see the album here: Wedding Day!

I have about 200 pictures to go through and edit, which I will be doing this weekend. Yay!


Third, I finished The Magicians. It was the worst book I’ve ever finished. I wrote a goodreads review on it here: Goodreads Review. Extremely minor spoiler alert warning.

I started reading the third novel in the Lady Trent series and it’s just amazing. I love love love these books. I’m on page 66.


Four, I’m concerned that I may have extra-early onset Alzheimers. Here’s why: Last weekend, we went to Changing Hands. Before going to Changing Hands, I packaged up some books to sell back. What I didn’t realize was that my unfinished book – The Magicians – was packed up with those books. How? I set it on my bookshelf to protect it from the cats while we were gone, stacked books on top of it to sell, and then packed them all into the bag. I called Changing Hands that night and asked them if someone had sold The Magicians to them that day. Someone had. It was me. My business card was in it. I just. I can’t.

To the very furthest star and back,

New Years!

Hi Kara,

Happy New Year! Today is the most wonderful day of the year. Do you know why? Because today is Changing Hand’s Customer Appreciation Day! Where nearly the whole store is 25% off! And you bet your ass I’m there right now (because I’m writing this in advance (because seriously, it’s 25% off (that’s ONE IN EVERY FOUR BOOKS FREE IF THEY’RE THE SAME PRICE!!))).


Me today. The real today, not the day I wrote this.

2016 is looking to be a good year. We begin with our rescheduled trip to Orlando, a week of relaxation in August for my mom’s 60th birthday (!! the woman doesn’t look a day over 45, I am going to look like a gd baby when I get older), two weeks in Japan for our honeymoon in October/November, and a new HP film!!

Now, I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions. I’ve never done them because I never stick to them and I genuinely think that if you want to make a change, you shouldn’t wait until some arbitrary “change” day. But, I thought I would be a sheep this year because I want to make 2016 a better year than 2015, which was a really hard year (even though it ended rather beautifully).

So here are my New Year’s resolutions:

  1. Floss. I want to floss more. I’d like to try going all of January flossing every single day. We’ll see how I do.
  2. Get off my phone. I will be on my phone even when there’s nothing

    So pretty

    to see, or nothing I want to see. And truthfully, most of what’s on my social media (primarily Instagram, where I haven’t done a big enough purge yet) is stuff that I just don’t care about. I want to start taking that time away from my phone and use it for stuff that makes me happy. Like reading or spending time with Andrew. (I also wish that I could have my Motorola Razr back. It was pink with flowers on it.)
  3. Get my ass back in the gym. All of October and November, I was going to my gym at least twice a week. I’d like to do that again.
  4. This is something I’ve already determined. This is the year that I WILL NOT GET SICK, FOR FUCKS SAKE. No illnesses. No ruined trips.
  5. To do this: I will focus my time on being less stressed. There are stresses that I can’t control and those that I can. I will focus a lot of energy this year on staying less stressed. Which means more time at home, keeping my house tidy, saying no to things I don’t want to do, etc. I want to be happy and stress-free this year.
  6. In 2015, I doubled the amount of books I read in 2014. I don’t know if its feasible for me to double it again (because that would be 36 books in a year), but I would like to at least hit 20. I wouldn’t be proud if I hit 20, I would be proud if I hit 25, but if I get to 20 I will at least not feel like a worthless piece of shit.

These are my new years resolutions!  Let’s hope that 2016, my first married year, will be my favorite year.

To the furthest star and back,

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week and Self Love Progress

Hello Keddah,

It’s National Eating Disorders Awareness Week! So I thought I would talk about my self-love progress/kicking my eating disorder in the ass, punching it square in the face, stomping it into the ground, drop-kicking it to Mars.

Learning to workout for me:

Let me tell the internet an embarrassing story (because I’ve already told it to Kara – that’s what besties do). In early January, something strange happened to me. When getting up into my bed (which is tall, alright, so there’s already a struggle level that’s higher than most beds), My. Wrist. Gave. Out. And although I act like I’m in my 80’s – I AM NOT IN FACT THERE YET. So when this happened the second time, I IMMEDIATELY VOWED to sign up for a gym and go. And I have!

Since the last week in January, I’ve gone to the gym at least 3 times a week (no more than 4). I’ve been enjoying it a lot! I don’t do a lot of cardio – because that shit sucks – but I’ve been doing kind of a mixture of everything and I’m enjoying myself. My goals are: being able to kick someones ass, a bigger butt (because we all have some narcissistic goals in life), and more flexibility. And when Andrew and I go on our month-long honeymoon in 2016 – I NEVER want my body to get in the way of me doing something awesome.

Additionally, I do not weigh myself. Because it doesn’t matter. Because it’s a huge trigger for negative behaviors. Because I still think a number on a scale has something to do with worth. And I’m not gonna ruin my good time.

Negative relationships with food:

I started asking myself when I eat: Are you enjoying your food? I haven’t gotten to the point where this stops me from binge eating – but at least I recognize it during and not after and I think that is a great starting point! I hope that soon I will be able to stop when I notice this behavior or even notice it before it starts and channel it into something healthier.

I would like to start removing certain things from my diet – mostly premade sweets like nutella/ice cream/cookies that you buy from the store. Instead – if I want something sweet – I need to make it myself. I’m thinking that once my current sweet stash is done that I will start making my own goodies.

I would also like to add more protein to my diet. Andrew just started making us the most delicious noodle soup with sprouted tofu, veggie broth, spinach, carrots, and green onions – and I could literally eat this every night for the rest of my life – so I don’t think it will be difficult!

Feeling myself:

Don’t get gross – HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER, KARA – I just mean that when I’m feeling cute, I celebrate it. And everyone should. If that means taking a killer selfie, sending your man/lady a sexy picture, or walking around in the buff – you do you!

I’m disappointed to report that No-Pants Weekends cannot happen in the cold due to the possibility of hypothermia. I really don’t know of any cold weather underwear sports – but if you have any suggestions that don’t have anything to do with hankypanky – suggest away!

Negative people/Getting out of my head:

This comes in two parts. 1) Removing negative people from my life causes me less stress, and less stress means less binge eating/negative thoughts. 2) Stop caring about people who don’t matter. That guy/girl over there – he’s not thinking about me in my dress with no sleeves on. And if he is and it’s negative, what do I care? And if it is and it’s positive – you’re really cute, imaginary guy/girl, but I’m taken. Just stop. Getting out of my head isn’t just important to my mental health, but I enjoy everything more when I just live.

Asking for help:

I was really nervous for my appointment picking out dresses for the wedding. I’ve seen Say Yes to the Dress enough times to know that it’s not always a wonderful experience, especially for plus size women/women with body dysmorphia/self-hate. So I asked Kara to be on “make sure my best friend doesn’t have any negative thoughts about her body duty” (literally – those were my exact words), and I’m proud of myself for asking.

And the best part is, she wasn’t even needed in that capacity, because not only was the dress beautiful, but I felt beautiful with or without the dress. And I’m so proud of myself.

To a beautiful, healthy, wonderful 26th year of life!


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