Tiny Chickens: A Forever Saga

Hello Keddah,

I have horrible news. I’ve failed my new year’s resolution to not become sick this year by being sick in the first four weeks. It was a good solid effort on my part, but I’ve already failed.

These tiny chickens are different than other tiny chickens that I usually get. These tiny chickens are causing my body to ache like I’m 90 years old, my left temple is trying to skyrocket off my body, and I have a very persistent cough. I also have the tiny chickens in my nose but they’re not as bad this time around.

Will I ever be rid of the tiny chickens? Le sigh.

I’ve also failed at my floss every day challenge and I’ve not read a single book this year.

I’M IN A DEEP WELL OF SORROW KARA BECAUSE TINY CHICKENS AND DAYQUIL.

My head is too full of bees to properly suggest books to you but I want you to know that in my delirious state, I was so proud of your commitment to reading all of those books. You’re a lion and I’m going to take a nap now.

With love from me and my tiny chicken army, all named Lionel.

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I Got Married

Hi Kara,

Last Thursday, I got married. I am now a wife. I really didn’t think this would make much of a change in me; Andrew and I have been together for 6 years now, but I keep saying to myself “I’m a wife” and that new identity is pretty exciting/weird/happy making. It’s weird that it’s official, but weird in the best sort of way.

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This is the best one I have of just us. Better to come!

I’m not the best at 1) having feelings that I can talk about in a way that isn’t like “I FEEL ALL FLIBBIDYJIBBLY” or 2) being mushy online, but I can say with confidence that I can’t believe he picked me (not that the universe/I gave him a choice). I sure am a lucky gal!

So for those who weren’t with us, this is how our wedding day went (and so I can remember every little detail, not a joke, I’m writing down all of it). But┬átl:dr, December 3rd, 2015 was easily the best day of my life and I can’t wait for all of the December 3rd’s we have yet to come and every day in between.

To the furthest star and back,

Your married best friend =P

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Teeny Tiny Chickens

Hi Kara,

h0G8PFN

A teeny tiny chicken. Who is cold.

I currently have teeny tiny chickens. Two weeks ago I had regular tiny chickens, but then I got a tiny tumor thing cut off the back of my mouth, and my body said “fuck those tiny chickens, SHE’S EXPERIENCING PAIN IN HER MOUTH AND SHE CAN’T HAVE COOKIES,” which is my body’s version of CODE RED.

So then I went to your house. Ludo preformed a seance on me and the microscopic tiny chickens, that had been lurking in my head for two weeks, decided to become massive evil tinychickens of death. They attacked my nose and my lungs and my ears and my ability to LIVE OR LOVE OR EXPERIENCE JOY.

So here are the things that have sparked the will to live in me and gave me hope for a brighter future.

Puffs Plus Lotion:

Kara, get these. If my nose so much as looks at another facial tissue, it becomes red and crusty. Which is what happened.

Trader Joes Salve of the Gods

Beyond saving my nose, this stuff has also saved my hands this winter. The skin on the sides of my hand (south of my pinky) cracks and bleeds. I put this on my hands before bed and my hands have been so pretty and soft. And it could be because I was preventative this year, but my nose looked a lot worse than my hands do and it cleared it up in two days. Plus, I get to scream I’VE GOT SALVE and chase Andrew around every night before bed.

Happy Drugs from the Happy Doctor

Sinus infections suck and so do possible ear infections because of your(my) already damaged ear drums.

Humidifier (or a pan on high heat boiling water continuously for hours)(yes, mom I was careful)(No, I didn’t burn the house down, obviously)(Stop, alright, Andrew bought me a real one because he didn’t want to CLR the pans anymore)

Andrew walked into the entryway after work and couldn’t breathe because I’d made it so moist. I really like moist air. And moist other things. Like cakes.

And lastly, Many, Many Blankets.

I’m currently under two with my laptop on top. And MacBooks are legendary for their crotch burning.

My hopes for the future (she says on her death bed), is that tomorrow I can pop both ears, I have fewer coughs that get up more tiny chickens, and my snot is crystal clear.

I would post pictures, but I’ve just taken my NyQuil. So all is lost.

To the furthest star and back,

 

P.S. You’re correct. No one has the ability to be as melodramatic as I am about colds.

P.P.S. I’m so melodramatic about colds, in fact, that I didn’t even mention my wedding in less than a week. My brain has one focus, and that is to focus on my imminent death via tiny chickens.

My Life Looks Like This

Happy Tuesday Steffi! I know you are not feeling well and this is a most inopportune time to have tiny chickens in your brain, but it could be worse! At least you have 9 whole days to get better.

I don’t have anything prepared for today, but I thought you’d like some pictures from the past couple of weeks of my life.

We went to Tucson Comicon and I looked like this:
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We met Kiba the cosplaying corgi and she looked like this:
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Ludo graduated puppy school and he looked like this:
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Our friend Kim goes to class also with her dog, Mason. He looks like this:
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(PS Mason no longer has balls and he looks like this:)
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Grayson took me to a Bengals game and we looked like this:
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Our view of the field looked like this:
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Next week we will look like this:
louis excited

PS You still have to do your 1/2 punishment. I love you BYE!

Puppy School

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Hi Steffi,

Ludo went to his first puppy training class today! He was soooo good! He was very nervous around the other dogs but as soon as treats were involved, he wasn’t phased. I’m sure he was confused what with all the treats, noises and poking and proding we were doing but he smiled stupidly through the whole thing. Thanks to Link, he was way ahead in the sit-and-stare-at-me-for-a-treat and we were able to hold his attention for a whole 15 seconds!

Next week he goes to class number 2 and a private lesson about leash walking with Link. He will graduate after he goes to 6 classes. Soon after that it will be time for his manly parts to go, and probably the cone of shame, but we aren’t telling him about that just yet ;P

PS you are owed a mini punishment because you forgot to hit publish, which I will think of after I’m done recovering from the tiny chickens in my brain.

-Karelala